I have felt this moment building since the eclipses this past spring. It felt like the Universe was pushing me into what I was becoming and taking me into my own shadow to heal from the pain of the past few years...and it was showing me the way by literally choreographing celestial bodies into alignment so I could see clearly just how it was done.
Soon after learning of the total solar eclipse I had planned to travel to an area of totality to experience the fullness of this huge event, but as the date drew closer, I had a bigger pull to stay here to experience it with a friend. I spent the day before scoping out locations and getting everything together for a perfect eclipse-watching day but the morning weatherman had me concerned when he talked about the possible cloud cover later that afternoon. He suggested traveling just an hour south of the city for better luck with clear skies...and so we took a look at Google Earth and found a spot that looked promising. Cameras and picnic goodies were all loaded up quickly and we set out on our adventure.
Driving down the road, it felt as if I were living out some bigger part of my life and I was there beside the moon... floating between worlds....and I wanted to be in both.
Once we reached our spot we couldn't believe how amazingly perfect it was and I couldn't help feeling as if we had been guided there by the Universe, it was that perfect. I didn't realize from the map that the lake was on a golf course but that day the country club was closed so we had the place all to ourselves, with the exception of the two people working that day. We set up our chairs and cameras and started focusing on framing the sun.
As I looked through my loupe at the screen I was so excited to see a small sliver of moon beginning to kiss the sun I literally shrieked, "It's starting!!!!" At this point I was in full photography mode and working to get my focus and framing in my lens. After a few shots I put on my solar viewing glasses to see it with my eyes and just stood there in awe.
That's when it hit me.
The magnitude of it all.
How far I had come and how much I had worked through to be in
This.Moment. In This.Place. With This.Person.
All of that suddenly and unexpectedly bubbled up from somewhere deep inside of me and welled up in my eyes. I felt so loved and guided and so very blessed. So big and small and everything in between. I felt connected and disconnected and held together by threads I couldn't see but could feel. There truly are no words.
The rest of the afternoon was spent chatting and taking pictures and looking through the glasses and eating cherries in the shade. I kept asking what time it was as we neared the peak of the event and we caught a few shots before a very large cloud rolled over blocking out our view. We couldn't believe it! It was like Alanis Morissette was standing there singing "Isn't is ironic?" Definitely memorable!
Eventually the cloud moved over and we had a great view of the finale. We packed up and as we drove home we hit rain and felt very happy to have driven to our perfect spot.
I really don't think it could have been a better day. The point at which it hit me was not when I thought it was going to be. It was at the beginning.
And I am certain that is where I am right now....and where it is hitting me.
At the beginning. The beginning... where it sits at the end of what was where new life begins. In that place where you can't make this shit up. Not that it isn't challenging or that I am cruising along on Easy Street, but where I feel that every day is a new day, where I feel that even when I struggle I know deeper that I can make it through, where I am trusting more fully.
As I write this to you I have been struggling to find the words to make it as eloquent as I wanted it to be. Words have been challenging the past few weeks but I hope that you can read and feel between the lines and breathe into the spaces between the words the message that is for you.
What I want you to do.....
Even if you struggle to find the words, too, I want you to share your experience of the eclipse and your journey since then. I would love to hear your story.
Sending you so much love, from beyond the shadow of the moon....