Can we talk about the future? What do you see? If you had asked me that earlier this year I would have told you, "I can't feel next year." It was a sad statement to me because even though I don't predict the future, I can always feel it and have a sense of knowing about it. But for the first three quarters of 2016 I couldn't.
And I didn't realize I couldn't until one day in June. I guess I was thinking about what I would be doing and where I would be in 2017 when it hit me. I sat there in a sort of state of shock and confusion and all parts of me were reaching out into the darkness searching for something familiar to grab a hold of but there was nothing. I didn't have a feeling that I would die or that it was the end of Me, but it was definitely an unsettling feeling.
Everything that I thought the future was going to hold had changed. Everyone that I thought the future was going to include and how they were going to be included had changed. Everywhere that I thought I would be and that I would be going in the future had changed.
And it bothered me. It saddened me. It left me feeling very alone in that darkness but I held on to the knowing that I just wasn't supposed to feel it right now. I held on to the knowing that I just had to move through the Unknowing gently and try not to push but to allow. Try not to force and control but to trust.
It was not easy but I did it, all summer and through the autumn, and now...now as I write this to you and you are reading this, I am on my first trip to Egypt in this lifetime...and I can finally feel it again.
The new year feels so full of promise and so full of LIFE and joy and adventure that overtakes the fear, the hurt and the confusion. It is blessings and love and yes, maybe a few unicorns and butterflies and rainbows and cupcakes. It is all coming together from the chaos. Do I have all the answers? No, not quite, but I am truly okay with that. I know that some of my soul contracts have come to an end and also to a beginning. I know that I needed to strip away everything and get right down to the true Me and to be okay with Her.
I've done the work. I've cried buckets of tears. I've let my Self stay in my jammies curled up in my fuzzy blanket. I've taken my Self to dinner and to the movies, on long walks along the beach and on road trips, to picnics under tall trees and on walks in the woods.
Egypt is going to be a sort of "restart" button for me. Packing for this trip I am also feeling the pulse of her heartbeat in the temples and the magic of the pyramids. I am feeling the touch of Seti and Isis and Unas, hearing their voices calling me Home.
Following my journey to Egypt I will be in Italy where it will all come together deeper as I continue to notice the ruins of what was and to marvel at where it has taken me.
Can you see the future? I can feel it and I am soaking up everything on my way to get there.