Tonight the incense and sage burn and the windows are open wide. The sounds of the night float in on the breeze and I once again feel grounded. Today was a long day at Psychic Fair. Everyone must have been outside enjoying the cooler weather at the State Fair but, even though I have psychic abilities, I did not see that coming. The day started out as usual for me on days that I do readings, feeling very emotional.
Actually, I started out my day on my yoga mat. No class. No following a video. Just me, the windows open, Steve Halpern radio playing on my Pandora and listening to my body and giving her what she wanted. I breathed into tight places and stretched out the blocked places and felt nothing but me and my skin. My ankle is not quite healed from my fall with Fred and my shoulder feels sprained from using the crutches for a few days and I tried to move slowly and carefully, which is actually better anyway for building strength and stretching.
After my yoga practice I started to notice the familiar feeling of emotional overwhelm that comes on days I give readings. It's not mine. It feels like an opening of all my senses to take in everything that can't be seen, only felt. I don't mind it. I know how to recognize it but sometimes it is still challenging to manage and I struggled to just let myself cry to release some of it. When the store opened, I had to ask, "Are we open?!" because there were no customers. We were looking at each other asking, "Where IS everyone?!"
All in all I did 7 readings which amounts to an hour and 45 minutes of work. It was a completely "wasted" day in my down time. I did not bring any work with me as I felt I would be busy so I texted with a friend and shared funny/inspirational videos and pictures with him. I watched mouth-watering Acrogasm videos and felt in my body how I missed acro yoga....the strength, the physicality of it, the contact, the trust. By the end of the day I was a bundled up anxious mess inside and I couldn't wait to get outside. I felt frantic, like a caged animal.
I stopped at the store to grab a few things for a quick dinner, had it prepared in 10 minutes then changed, grabbed my camera and notebook and headed to the park to sit by the reservoir and write....there was so much bubbling up inside. When I got to the trailhead I started out at a brisk walk but soon found myself running, my backpack bouncing on my back like a loose turtle shell and the sound of my hiking boots hitting the well-worn path. My heart was racing to keep up with wherever it was ahead of me that pulled me and the muscles in my legs felt unprepared but compelled to get me there. At one point I felt like I had finally been released and that I was on my way to my Future.
Along the trail I came across leaves scattered on the ground shaped like hearts.Poetic and beautiful, I thought. I snapped a photo. I ran along the trail not remembering that it was as long as it was to get to the water's edge and at long last reached where I wanted to sit.
Immediately I was kicking myself for not bringing my long lens camera because, right there across from me high up in the branches sat a bald eagle. I watched him watch me and relax into the setting sunlight and preen himself.
I breathed in that moment and felt the earth under me and the water's reflection wash over me. I shot some video on my phone. I took a picture and sent it to my friend to feel like there was someone there to share in that moment with me even if it was a virtual presence. I felt the anxiousness of the day and the frenetic rush through the woods evaporate off of my skin and act as a natural insect repellant. I should have been eaten up by the mosquitos but they seemed to not want a piece of me and I was glad for that.
The eagle in the tree was soon joined by another eagle who flew by, chased by a kingfisher. Once the large group of kayakers came along, the resting eagle launched into the air and left us in peace to hold that memory of him in our hearts like a touchstone. I remained a few moments longer but it really was beginning to get dark and I needed to be getting back to my car. As I walked back through the woods I let all the sounds of the night wash over me and breathed in the scent of the cool evening air brushing across the tall grasses and through the trees. I could smell the dirt and the green-ness of everything. I could hear a chorus of I-don't-know-what-kind of insects and other noisy night creatures all around me. I could feel my body again and the calmness that I now felt. My steps were slow and mindful and at peace.
Even though it was getting darker and I should be getting back to my car, when I saw the nearly full moon offering light through the trees I decided to head over to the water and take a small moon bath. Almost full, she rose above the tree line and shimmered on the surface of the lake. Everything was still and calm....outside and in.
So many times when I feel this way....frantic and caged inside as if everything that I want and hope for is just out of reach. I want to find solace in someone else, someone outside of myself to touch me or hold me tight and it gets frustrating to have to dig deep and find that within myself time and time again. And while it is not arms holding me, the feeling of being held by the trees and the water and the earth under me soaks in and I feel supported and like I have a safe place to land. My skin still aches for touch but I know that I can find solace in nature....it just takes more effort on my part.
On the eve of the coming eclipses I know that I am at a precipice in my life that feels big and important. It feels like promises and hope and like there is so much good about to fall into place. I feel blessed, grateful, and filled with a sense of anticipation and optimism. I knew at the eclipses last spring that I did not want to be in the same place I was in then for the eclipses this month. Now that I am on the cusp of all of that, I just have to hold myself steady one day at a time and allow all of it to unfold and blossom.
Being patient and enjoying the journey, learning along the way and trusting.
It is almost the Beginning and I am ready.